today

Today I'd normally be working hard to show him how much I love him. I'd be scribbling sweet nothings into funny cards and trying to decide the best time to give him his gifts. I'd let him know how glad I am that he's alive and that he's mine. We'd go out for lunch. I'd make him dinner and maybe even a cake. Or a pie. I'd have people over and we'd celebrate in style. We'd drink our favorite wine.

I'd give him lots of hugs. I'd tell him over and over and over how much I love him.

But instead, today I will just feel the loss of all those things.

The pain of lost love and tradition and memories and sentiment hurts more than words can say.

And I can't help but wonder if he's mindful of me being mindful of him today.