all that matters

Some days are harder than others on this whole "I am enough" journey.

Some days it seems as though everyone is shouting at me with their words, their actions, and everything in between, that once again I don't measure up. I'm not enough.

Some days the demons grow louder, my heart grows quieter, and I feel myself shrinking inside. Cringing away from others, from hope, from myself. It's hard to believe — really, truly believe — that I'm enough when everything seems to tell me otherwise. And I crumble at my core—sometimes slowly, as if my foundation is being chipped away, and other times all at once, like a tsunami washed it out from under me.

And then I lay my head on my pillow at the end of another exhausting day, close my teary eyes, and ask Him for the grace to try again tomorrow. I mutter those three challenging words over and over and over:

I am enough. I am enough. I am enough.

Then I open my eyes, with the sun and my alarm, and at once, I have to fight the scarcity that immediately rushes in close — telling me I'm already starting the day without enough sleep, without enough time to do what needs to be done, without enough friends or family or purpose or plans. Already not enough before my feet hit the floor.

And I have to once again close my eyes and ask Him for His more-than-enough grace to carry me. Fill me. Uphold me. Remind me. Center me.

I am enough because I AM is enough.

And, whether I like it or not, whether I believe it or not, whether I feel it or not, that is all that matters.