happiness is...

...having a good laugh.

do the math

It's starting to get cold. I've already had to swap the lightweight blanket on our bed for a down comforter. It's actually supposed to get down to 45 tonight -- and without indoor heating, the temperature inside our house won't be much higher than that.

But even while my senses know that winter is approaching, sometimes my mind still glitches.

The other night I saw a commercial on TV advertising a women's magazine. While the cover of the magazine filled the screen, with its bold headline: "Autumn Fashions", the announcer informed me that "the April issue is now on sale." I did a double-take to make sure my eyes and ears weren't tricking me. Surely, there must be a mistake. And then I remembered! And chuckled.

No matter how long I live in the southern hemisphere, April will always equal Spring.

shameful confession

I must confess.

As much as I hate it, as much as I try to hide from it, as much as I'm scared to admit it -- Niel and I must have a bit of redneck in us.

How else can you explain this?

In case you're unsure what you're looking at, let me zoom in for you.

we're not the only ones

Some of you have heard me use the expression "T.I.A" before. I've written it in blogs. I say it. My husband and a small group of our friends say it. T.I.A. -- This is Africa. It's our way of shrugging off the myriad of things that seem to happen here in Africa and almost nowhere else in the world!

Last week Niel and I had the chance to see a movie in Johannesburg. We watched Blood Diamond, which, although quite intense, was an excellent movie. Based in Africa, the movie was full of African expressions: Lekker. Eish. Ag! Howzit, China? We smiled as we heard these, knowing that the majority of the audience watching this film around the world won't understand or appreciate them.

But when we heard, "T.I.A. -- This is Africa!", Niel and I both looked at each other with a funny expression on our face: "We say that!!"

Apparently, we're not the only ones...

superbowl monday

This week was our annual Superbowl Monday Party. With the time difference, the Superbowl starts at 1:00 AM here, so we tape it and watch it the next night. The main problem with this is that it is nearly impossible to avoid finding out the scores before we watch the game. Simply signing into instant messenger, reading a news email, or opening a web browser can ruin the surprise...

I had the job of transferring the taped game to a DVD, which required that I see the end of the game. I didn't mind too much since every year I've come to know the outcome prior to seeing it anyway. Finding out that early in the day relieved the pressure of trying to avoid discovering it some other way.

This year we had the largest Superbowl Monday Party we've ever had. With over 20 Americans joining for the big event, it was time to move the party out of our home and up to the conference room. We projected the game onto the big screen and there was plenty of room for all.

A wonderful benefit of our growing staff is having great cooks around. The spread of food this year was way better than anything we've had in the past, which is great for me since the food is my favorite part of the whole party!

Of course, it wouldn't be an African Superbowl if the power didn't go out at least once. Midway through the game we lost power for about 10 minutes. Thankfully it came back on and we were able to finish off the evening as planned.

It was a great night -- good game, good food, and good fun! I quite enjoy our Superbowl Monday tradition.

of shoes and men

One of my joys of coming home was seeing Joyce again. (Joyce is our "house help" and a dear friend.) Yesterday, we had an amusing conversation. Joyce was looking at a pair of shoes I got when I was in the States...

Joyce: "These shoes are so nice."

Me: "Thanks. I like them, too. Niel doesn't really like them, though. He says they look like old lady shoes."

Joyce: "What do men know about shoes anyway?!"

(b)anal accusations

While I know that I'm a perfectionistic, detail-oriented person, I certainly don't expect to have this pointed out by complete strangers. Niel and I recently made a rather large purchase, which in the past month seems to have undergone more than the usual expected wear and tear. With us having paid as much as we did, I was not happy about all the scratches and discoloration. I figure if it wore this much in the first month, what will it look like a year from now?

So we took it back to the store to find out what could be done. After much discussion with the store clerk and then the manager, our options were laid before us:

1. They could repair the item at no charge. This, to me, wasn't really a solution as the damage would continue again after the repair.
2. We could exchange the item for something else. But after much looking, we weren't really happy about any of the other available items.
3. We could return it for a full refund. As I love our purchase, I would have been disappointed to have to go this route.

Then the manager offered a fourth solution. She looked me right in the eye and said:

"Or...you could just not be so anal."

Niel, my knight (without the armor), rose to my defense and dealt a hand of rudeness right back at her.

Anal? You betcha!

how to spot a reindeer

It's hard to spot Santa and his reindeer, because they travel fast and far. Here are a few things you can do to improve your chances.

Steps

1. Make sure you know what a reindeer looks like. Study pictures of reindeer and keep them handy on Christmas Eve.
2. Learn how to watch the night sky. Sometimes you can see Rudolph's nose glowing as Santa whisks by on his sled, but you have to look really hard. Once you find Rudolph, though, you can usually see the other reindeer following behind.
3. Listen. You might hear the jingling of sleigh bells or - if you're really lucky - the reindeers' hooves on your roof. Read "The Night Before Christmas" to get an idea of how the hooves might sound.
4. Learn the names of all Santa's reindeer. If you actually get close, you might want to call them by name, just like Santa does. The names of Santa's reindeer, in addition to Rudolph, are Dasher, Dancer, Donner, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Prancer and Blitzen.
5. Get online on Christmas Eve to track where Santa and his reindeer are as they sweep across the skies. When you know Santa is in your area, you might have a better chance of seeing the reindeer.
6. Add a few extra cookies for the reindeer when you leave a snack out for Santa. You just might get lucky and hear Santa feeding them while they wait on your roof.

Warning

• Don't be too sad if you don't spot a reindeer. They are so quick that not many people are able to find them.

Adapted from ehow.com.

merrry christmas!

We discovered today that a ministry project we just went to print on, bears a typo. I wrote the copy and did the editing, so, alas, it is my own fault. When I realized that our Christmas cards (which will soon return from the printers and be mailed to over 200 people) say "Merrry Christmas", I gasped. (For those who didn't notice what's wrong --- as I didn't all the dozens of times I looked it over --- it has one "r" too many!)

My head started to spin. How can this be?! I looked it over umpteen times. How could I have missed it?! I immediately told Niel that we need to scratch this whole shipment and reorder it all. When he reminded me of how much it cost, I knew that wasn't an option...

Niel bounced right back from this earth-shattering discovery. He said that people will just think we're being emphatic. He started proclaiming, "Merrrrrrrrry Christmas!" (Think Tony the Tiger...) He said it over and over: "Merrrrrrrrry Christmas!" Well, that got me laughing and took my mind off my mistake...for the moment.

Later, when it was just us, I told Niel that I was really upset over this. My perfectionistic tendencies couldn't bear the overwhelming weight of defeat. I was feeling upset not just for myself, but for how this misrepresents the ministry.

Me: "I feel like a failure."

Niel: "Well, this just shows that you're a human being who makes mistakes like the rest of us."

Me: Sigh...

Niel: "Now maybe you won't be so hard on me next time I make a mistake. Cause then I'll just say 'Merrrrrrry Christmas!'"

presidential pardons

There's a turkey farm not too far from my parents' house. All autumn long, there are hundreds (thousands?) of white turkeys roaming the field. The day after Thanksgiving, however, the field is empty. Not a bird to be found. A moment of silence is required when we drive by...

Each year, my dad jokes about springing the turkeys -- freeing them before they become centerpieces on dinner tables. Of course, we never do. This year, we at least paid these rather unbecoming birds homage by taking their pictures.

Although we didn't spare any of our local turkeys from their doomed fate, I take pleasure in knowing that our President will pardon a few...

Happy Thanksgiving!

lake effect

It is pouring outside. And very windy. So when my computer let me know that there's a "severe weather alert" for my area, I figured I should check it out.

I followed the link, and was greatly concerned by what I read...

It's a little frightening to know that Lake Ontario is going to cross our area tonight. Think I'll be staying indoors this evening... And now I know they're not playing around when they say "severe weather alert".

signs of autumn

This afternoon I went for a walk to soak up the beautiful autumn scenery. A short walk from my parents' home is a state park, complete with trails, beach access, and breathtakingly gorgeous foliage. I ventured off to explore, camera in hand.

The day was perfect. The sky was strikingly blue; the air, refreshingly crisp; the leaves, the most exquisite range of colors.

My peaceful serenity was interrupted by my rudely nagging bladder. My need to pee became so urgent that I contemplated a missionary-squatty-potty maneuver behind a tree. As I pondered this more, I thought things like:

Will anybody see me? Why did I put on my bright blue jacket instead of something more camouflaging? If someone does see me, is embarrassment the only consequence I will have to endure, or might there be a fine as well?

Before I got so desperate as to actually start looking for a suitable, secluded spot, my eyes beheld a wondrous sight:

one of those days

I'm really enjoying the book I'm reading. A portion I read last night had me laughing out loud (literally). I thought I'd share:

When you have had one of those days, try this:

Stop at your pharmacy and go to the section where they have thermometers. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by the Q-tip Company. Be sure that you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw your drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy. Change into something comfortable, such as a sweat suit, and lie down on your bed. Open the package containing the thermometer, remove it, and carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken. Take the written material that accompanies the thermometer. As you read, notice in small print this statement: "Every rectal thermometer made by Q-tip is personally tested."

Close your eyes. Say out loud five times, "Thank you, oh, thank you, that I do not work in quality control at the Q-tip Company!"

As soon as I finished laughing, my next thought was: I need to blog about this. I set off to Google the Q-tip rectal thermometer company. I did this for two reasons:

1. I wanted an accurate accompanying photograph.
2. I was curious if this company truly did exist.

No photo of an authentic Q-tip brand thermometer was unearthed in my search. However, after much digging (borderline obsessive compulsive digging, I might add!), I did find proof that, while it may no longer, the Q-tip Company did, at one time, exist and produce rectal thermometers. It seems all their personal testing didn't really work to ensure quality control. I guess someone wasn't doing their job!

How was your day?

how to get an annoying song out of your head

Has ''Who Let the Dogs Out" or "Macho, Macho Man" or even "I got soul, but I'm not a soldier" been running through your head all day, and now you want it gone? Here are some steps to follow to rid your head of these annoying tunes.

Steps

1. Turn down the mental volume of the song until it is sung in a whisper.
2. Think about a song that you do like, and one that you enjoy singing. Any time the annoying song pops into your head, start singing or humming the better song.
3. Concentrate your thoughts on something else. Try a riddle, mental math, or reciting a poem.
4. Get involved in physical exercise.
5. Shout in your head.
6. Go someplace where no one will hear you, and shout out loud. If such a place is unavailable, just talk to someone.
7. Listen to a song without vocals.
8. Become addicted to another tune, one whose lyrics you don't mind hearing over and over again.
9. Sing or play the song through in its entirety. Usually when your brain hears the end of the song, it completes the repetition and is able to release the song that had been stuck.
10. When you get to the end of the song and are done with it, sing the last note (aloud or in your head), then let the pitch drop, like it's going down a slide, until you're on a much lower note than the one on which the song ended. This will help keep the song from starting over again.

Tips

• Avoid repetitive tunes, as they get stuck in your mind very easily. If you are prone to experiencing this problem, run far away when you hear these types of songs start to play.
• Stay calm. Music isn't a bad thing.

Adapted from wikihow.com.

how to fake a cell phone call

Here's the "How To" article for September. I thought it was funny; hope it makes you laugh, too!

Ever wanted to avoid that creepy neighbor, or make that ex jealous? Here is how to fake a cell phone call and dodge potentially bothersome situations.

Steps

1. Make sure the phone is on silent! This includes all sounds, ringtones, text messages, low battery reminders, voice mail chimes...anything. If that phone goes off in the middle of a fake conversation, then your next encounter with the individual will be way worse. **See step 3 for this rule's only exception**
2. When preparing for the blow-off, make sure you have a general understanding of the target. Are they nosey? Crazy? Generally rude? These are usually the reasons you are avoiding them, however it could make the difference in them calling your bluff.
3. Know your phone. Some phones have buttons on the side for controlling volume, vibration, etc. Get to know these buttons well enough to utilize them in the dark, or unseen in the pocket. This way, if caught in an unexpected situation, you can always bail out with that urgent phone call. **Be very quick though, because now you have violated the most important rule, and must return to silent mode ASAP.
4. Have a fake conversation ready. In most social situations, a general fake laugh, or "really?" will do the trick for a quick blow-by, this shows that you have a genuine interest in the conversation, and removing youself from it at this time would be unacceptable.
5. Be courteous. Acknowledge that sneering hyena with a simple smile and nod, or even a quiet "Hi" showing them that you would just love to stay and chat, but, gosh darnit, you're just too busy right now!

Tips

1. Don't over do it, because even if trying to avoid or impress, if it becomes too complicated, you are doomed to screw up somewhere.
2. Start the conversation by asking the fake person on the phone if you can have like 20 minutes of their time. That way the person you're faking for will go away out of impatience.
3. Make sure that you leave time for the fake person on the other end of the fake phone call to respond. It won't sound realistic if you're the only person talking--listening is important too, just like in a real phone call. When faking a call, you do not actually need to fake a back-and-forth conversation. Just hold the phone like you would when listening intently and occasionally say "oh really?" or "wow" or any short interjections.

Warnings

1. If you find yourself needing to fake phone calls frequently, perhaps you should consider taking a deep look in the mirror and ask yourself why you hate people so much.

(From www.wikihow.com)

starbucks in the airport

My alarm went off at 3:50 this morning. It reaffirmed that I am definitely NOT a morning person. But my 6:20 AM departure for Seattle forced me to wake up at such an ungodly hour. I had a layover in Atlanta. When I got to my gate, there was a sign that said the flight was delayed, but it didn't offer any information on how long the wait might be. I milled around a bit to see if there was anyone to ask. There wasn't. So I decided to visit the Starbucks kiosk across the hall.

After being in the States for a few weeks now, I finally have my Starbucks ordering down pat. I used to roll my eyes at some of my friends' drink orders---with all their complicated Starbucks lingo---but really I just had beverage-order-envy. So now I'm feeling good about knowing exactly what I like and exactly how to order it.

The line at Starbucks was pretty long. The woman taking the orders seemed rather impatient with anyone who didn't order with politically correct terminology. I kept repeating my drink order in my head, determined to not be one of "them".

I'm next in line. She shouts, "What can I get you?" And I freeze for half a second before telling her my order. "Grande non-fat, no water, no foam, 180 chai... please!" Phew. The Starbucks pressure is, at times, overwhelming.

I get my drink, take one sip, and start walking back to my gate just as they open it up for boarding. WHA?! Yep. And with the new FAA regulations barring all liquids on board, I had to pitch my completely full chai. Shame!

queen

We spent some time with my "little brother" yesterday. I put "little brother" in quotes because Andrew's really not all that little anymore. In fact, he turned 21 last week! But seeing as he's 7 years younger than me, he'll always be my little brother.

For Christmas, my parents gave him my mom's old car. It's a Saturn, Homecoming Edition, and my mom always called it the Homecoming Queen. Yesterday Andrew mentioned that he still calls it that--affectionately referring to it as "The Queen"--even though some of his friends make fun of him.

I suggested that he now call it The Car Formerly Known as Queen.

how to make a nickname stick

I've never really had a nickname. My mom has a few that she calls me, and a small group of 3 (including my husband) sometimes calls me Kitty, but I've never had a nickname used by friends at large. I guess my name isn't too conducive for deriving nicknames from, so I've just never received one. My lack-of-a-nickname-ness led me to read with interest the following article I found on how to make a nickname stick.

Steps

1. Choose a great nickname. This can be the trickiest part. Consider what talent or feature you want to emphasize.
2. Meet a new person and introduce yourself to them with your nickname. You'll have at least one person calling you by your new name, and they will introduce you using your nickname to anyone new.
3. Refer to yourself in the 3rd person. Repetition really will help drive the new nickname into your friends' skulls. "Ace don't play that. Don't be getting all ghetto in Ace's face." --things like that. Your friends will love it!

Tips & Warnings

1. Don't choose a name that is already in wide use. How many Diddy's can there be? Z-Diddy, Me-Diddy, U-Diddy, We-All-Diddy etc.
2. Sometimes, you just can't force a nickname of your own choosing. Nicknames given by other people also tend to work better than ones you make up yourself.
3. Beware of nicknames bestowed on you by others; be sure you know its origins. Mean nicknames can be deceptively catchy.
4. Please, don't go overboard with your nickname. If you want to be known as Ace, for instance, don't go getting an Ace of Spades tattooed on your arm, or replace all your car accessories with Aces of Spades kitsch. Your nickname will still be Ace, but people will use it to tease you.
5. Having a nickname does not make you cool - you have to do that yourself.

(From www.wikihow.com)

Well, having read that, I don't think I'll be nicknaming myself anytime soon.

So Texas

During our stay here in Maun, we are being hosted for dinner each night by different staff members at LBOM. It has been a real blessing and a fun opportunity to get to know some of the staff that we hadn't known very well before. Every night thus far has been a lot of fun, each with its own unique "adventure" of sorts. There was the child-with-a-finger-stuck-in-Tupperware night (which ended with a combination of pruning shears, blood, and band-aids). There was also the night dinner was delayed till nine o'clock because all the pizza places were randomly closed and we had to revert to Nando's.

Tonight was a real blast. We were hosted by a Norwegian family; while they aren't particularly new to LBOM, we have never had a chance to get to know them before tonight. We laughed so much! Having never known Norwegians before, I didn't really have an expectation in my mind but I guess I figured they'd be similar to a Finnish woman I know (since Finland and Norway are somewhat neighboring Scandinavian nations). The Finnish woman is very prim and proper; I guess I figured the Norwegians would similarly be very reserved and refined. By saying that they were not reserved and refined, in no way do I mean that negatively. I so enjoyed their laid back, vibrant personalities. Their funny facial expressions, dry humor, and hilarious stories made the night one I'll never forget.

We discovered a phrase that is used in Norway that had us cracking up with laughter. Norwegians have an expression they use when something is wild, crazy, and just out of control. They say it is "so Texas". When the kids are running wild, you can say, "Stop being so Texas!" When you are telling a friend about things being out of control at work, you can say, "It was like Texas in there today". When there is a bizarre bank robbery in your small town, you can describe it by saying, "It was so Texas".

We thought this was so funny. It is always amusing to hear what people of different nationalities think of America -- and to discover that Norwegians have a phrase about Texas that is synonymous with wild and crazy was very humorous to us.

Tonight was so Texas!

Baby Steps

Niel has always dreamed of having a yacht. He already has a name picked out -- Outreach. Odd name for a boat, you say? Well, it makes it possible to use the boat more often when it has the name Outreach -- because when someone calls or visits the office looking for Niel, we can truthfully say, "Sorry, he's out on Outreach; can he call you when he gets back?" or "Niel is out on Outreach for another few weeks; call again next month." Perfect. Well, we go from glory to glory and in the same way, we often take baby steps towards our dreams. Someone in our town just gave us a boat. It's nowhere near a yacht or Niel's ultimate dream boat, but we now have a boat. It's red, made for fishing, and has two motors; that is where my boat-knowledge ends. We are excited to have it and plan to make good use of it.

On Saturday we took all the staff out with the boat to Sterkfontein Dam (third largest dam in all of South Africa -- basically an enormous lake). We went dam-exploring in the boat, tubing (great fun!), and... sun-burning. Yep -- most of us got more sun than we'd planned on or really desired. No, I'm not blushing...

We still need a name for our boat. Niel says we shouldn't name it since it's not THE boat yet (kind of like not naming the pig you're going to make bacon out of next year?!); but I think it needs a name. Naming it is not conceding that you've reached the pinnacle of boat-ownership, it just means you've given the baby-step-glory-to-glory-in-between boat a name. Now, all we need is a good name... (Feel free to offer suggestions!)

We are really blessed to even have the boat. It is wonderful to be able to enjoy the remaining weeks (hopefully months!) of summer with our staff family and friends on the boat. We are looking forward to many more boating expeditions -- and will surely pack stronger sunblock next time!