on choosing your own adventure

Remember reading Choose Your Own Adventure storybooks when you were a kid? I loved those books. But I cheated.

I'd read ahead and skim the different options to see how they all panned out. And then pick the best one. I wanted the most ideal outcome to every situation — the best story possible.

In some ways, I've tried doing the same exact thing with my life.

When faced with choices, I wish I could peek ahead and see how all the options will turn out. (I'm not talking about moral issues, but things like where I live and what job I take.) I want to make sure I pick the one that is God's perfect will for me. I want to stay in line with exactly what He wants me to do.

But that way of thinking paints a picture of God having one ultimate plan for my life, which includes specific choices in even the smallest of decisions. And while that may sound holy, it leaves me feeling a bit like a puppet. As though if I get one thing wrong in my attempts to navigate His will, the rest of my life is basically a wash.

I'm not sure that's how it works. Maybe God doesn't hold my future in the balance based on where I choose to live. Or what career I step into.

In the midst of navigating the greatest transitions of my life, there is freedom in realizing God isn't controlling me. My prayers don't need to be, "Tell me what to do, God, and I'll do it." I can operate in the gifts, abilities, and common senses He's given me. Maybe He just wants me to discover and embrace who I am and what I would enjoy.

That doesn't mean my decisions are devoid of God. Quite the contrary. It requires an enormous sense of trust in Him as my Shepherd and guide. "Christ in me, the hope of glory..."

So maybe He really is letting me "choose my own adventure", guiding me with the desires, dreams, vision, and wisdom He's placed inside me. And maybe I don't need to strive so hard to peek ahead and confirm the outcome in advance, because no matter what, I remain in His hands.

I am still trying to nail down specific thoughts on all this... I'm in no way implying that we shouldn't pray or seek God's specific guidance. I'm not saying we can do whatever we want because His grace will carry us regardless of our willful choices to sin or disobey or go our own way.

I'm just saying I think there may be more lateral freedom in "God's will for my life" than I've ever before grasped.

What's your take on all this? I'd truly love to hear your thoughts.

Originally posted at Deeper Story. Read the comments there >

if God's in it

The other day I heard someone say something that got me soapboxing in my head. "If God wants us there, then everything will work out. The doors will keep opening for us, and everything will just come together."

And while that sounds spiritual, I've gotta be honest... I disagree.

Sometimes, even when you're right where God wants you to be, it doesn't all work out all the time. Doors will slam in your face. Provision may not be there. Vehicles will break down. There will be floods, and droughts, and fires. The bottom my even fall out of your world. Sometimes, it's just one hell of an uphill battle the entire way.

If smooth sailing is an indicator that God's in it, then difficulties are a sign that He isn't?? Hmmm... I wonder what Paul would say about that, having penned most of the New Testmanet in prison...

a healing thought

By His wounds, we are healed. And by our wounds, He also brings healing.

Let your scars show...

[HT: Tracee Persiko's post]

help wanted

Asking for help is not my strong suit. No, seriously. It's reeeeeeeally hard for me.

After a lifetime of advocating for a cause I believe in, it's painfully difficult to advocate for myself. I'm actually tempted to unpack the reasons behind that, but I recognize that it would be just a procrastination tactic, keeping me from what this post is really supposed to focus on.

Asking for help.

Oi vey!

So here goes...

I moved to Africa when I was 19, and lived there as a missionary for 13 years. And then my husband left, and a year ago we were forced to shut down the ministry.

When I left Africa last December to move back to the States, I had to leave behind everything but the clothes, shoes, and few valuables I could fit in my suitcases.

I did (thankfully) get to secure some square footage on a shipping container for all of my irreplaceables: Like family heirlooms, priceless (to me) African pieces I've collected over the years, handcrafted baskets, photos and framed art, some large wooden furniture pieces, and my Big Easy. But this was over a year ago, and the shipping container still hasn't left South Africa. At this point, I have to wonder if it ever will...

For now, all I have is what I managed to take home in my luggage on that last flight from Africa.

I couldn't bring my cozy couches or my stash of throw blankets or my DVD player. I had to ditch my pots, plates, glasses, and silverware. There was no way to save my appliances, kitchen gadgets, bedding, towels...

The list of what I had to walk away from is seemingly endless.

I've been living on the generosity of friends-who-are-like-family for the past year. I am beyond grateful for the ways they have opened their hearts and home to me, loving me through such a difficult season. I wouldn't have made it through without them. Truly.

And now... in just two weeks... on February 18th... I move into an apartment. Here in Nashville.

I can't tell you how equally exciting and frightening that step is. But I can tell you it feels good. Really good.

I have an apartment! And that's more than I've "had" for a long time.

I get overwhelmed though when I think about the fact that I basically have an empty apartment. (And I'm battling the deep missing of my old "stuff", which really just signals the missing of the life I lost...But I'm trying not to spiral. Not today anyway.)

The business of starting over from scratch is a difficult one, let me tell you.

And I can't do it alone. It's impossible.

So I'm asking for help.

If you live in the Nashville area, would you look through your house for furniture and kitchen/house stuff that you'd be willing to part with?

If you know someone who lives here, would you ask them if they have anything they'd like to "donate to the cause"? (Heh. Old habits die hard...)

If you or someone you know has a pick-up truck to help on move-in day (Feb. 18th), that is needed as well.

Would you spread the word in whatever way you can?

I can't even tell you how big a help this would be to me right now.

But it would be enormously BIG.

Thank you, friends. Really.

the beginning of the end

The past few years of my life have been filled with untold endings. The end of my marriage. The closing of my ministry. The loss of my home, job, community...

The endings can be so obvious that it's often easy for me to overlook the new beginnings. But they're there. When I take the time and make the choice to look for them — to dust for God's fingerprints — I see them. Plain as day.

The beginning of my heart re-awakening. The launch of a new journey. The start of a new home, job, community...

I am reminded once again that the new life of spring actually begins with the dying leaves of autumn.

And I'm brought back to The Beginning.

"There was evening, and there was morning—the first day."

While we usually picture our day starting with the sunrise, God created it to begin in the darkness of night. Though it seems like an ending, the night — with all its bleakness and uncertainty — is really just the beginning...

What endings are you experiencing right now where you need to dust for God's fingerprints of new life?

Originally posted at Deeper Story. Read the comments there >