one word journey: enough!

A friend asked me about my One Word recently: Enough. I explained the significance it holds for me: my journey to know and believe more deeply that I am enough. After his initial response about how that resonated with him, he teased that he'd thought I was going to say it meant "I've had enough!" We laughed about how that meaning certainly works as well, especially after the past few years of my life. Enough!

And I've been thinking about that ever since.

Though the two meanings seem very different, I realized they are more related to each other than I would have first guessed. I will only set healthy boundaries for myself when I truly believe I am worthy of safeguarding. I won't declare "Enough!" to those situations and individuals that deplete me and attempt to diminish my worthiness until I think I'm worth more than how I'm being treated.

Learning to embrace my own enoughness gives me the strength, courage, and voice to say Enough! when I need to.

I have to believe I am enough in order to say "Enough!"

There's a vulnerability in setting boundaries. Deep fears rise to the surface as my inner dialogue kicks into high gear:

You are going to disappoint someone with this decision. Don't let other people down. Be a good friend. Make others happy. Do what's best for others. If you turn this down, you might not be included again. You'll always be left out. You have to make this work. You should be able to tackle all this and then some. You're being selfish by choosing what's best for yourself.

Embracing my enoughness means engaging with that vulnerability—leaning into it rather than away from it. It means making the difficult decisions and setting the hard boundaries, in spite of the risk, in face of the fears. It's believing that ultimately I'm worth it—no matter what.

So, surprisingly to me, part of my One Word 365 journey towards owning that I am enough, is learning to recognize, embrace, and own the boundaries I need to set and enforce in my life. Even while I still fail at this often, only realizing after the fact that a situation was an opportunity for me to set a boundary — a need to say yes or no to something for myself — at least I'm seeing it, even if it's in hindsight. That is already a step in the right direction.

I'm choosing to celebrate every sign of progress. Here's to each little step forward on this journey, friends!

... ... ...

I'd imagine I'm not the only one who's been surprised by where my One Word has taken me this year. Has your word taken on a shape you hadn't even anticipated or expected?

We are almost halfway through the year, so let's check in with one another. How is your One Word journey going? How has your word surprised you and taken shape in your life?  Write a mile-marker post on your blog and come back to link up. 

Originally posted on SheLovesMagazine. Read the comments there >

{i have} enough

all that matters

Some days are harder than others on this whole "I am enough" journey.

Some days it seems as though everyone is shouting at me with their words, their actions, and everything in between, that once again I don't measure up. I'm not enough.

Some days the demons grow louder, my heart grows quieter, and I feel myself shrinking inside. Cringing away from others, from hope, from myself. It's hard to believe — really, truly believe — that I'm enough when everything seems to tell me otherwise. And I crumble at my core—sometimes slowly, as if my foundation is being chipped away, and other times all at once, like a tsunami washed it out from under me.

And then I lay my head on my pillow at the end of another exhausting day, close my teary eyes, and ask Him for the grace to try again tomorrow. I mutter those three challenging words over and over and over:

I am enough. I am enough. I am enough.

Then I open my eyes, with the sun and my alarm, and at once, I have to fight the scarcity that immediately rushes in close — telling me I'm already starting the day without enough sleep, without enough time to do what needs to be done, without enough friends or family or purpose or plans. Already not enough before my feet hit the floor.

And I have to once again close my eyes and ask Him for His more-than-enough grace to carry me. Fill me. Uphold me. Remind me. Center me.

I am enough because I AM is enough.

And, whether I like it or not, whether I believe it or not, whether I feel it or not, that is all that matters.

write now

Sometimes -- more often than I'd like to admit -- that old crazy-making feeling comes back. And I feel as though I must be crazy because there's no other explanation possible.

I must've done something wrong. I must've messed up somewhere. I wonder what I did to upset them? Hurt them? Cause them to treat me differently?

When I can't figure out the answers -- even when I ask -- then I'm left with that age-old sense that I must just be crazy. It's all in my head, I guess.

And now I'm forced to reconcile that with this whole "I am enough" thing. And I find it impossible to believe in my enoughness when I feel crazy.

Because crazy trumps everything, you know?

Or does it?

Even if I am crazy, am I not still enough?

Dang. That'll get me thinking...

This post feels like an infinity pool -- no clear end in sight. So all I can say is the same as always -- I have no answers. No conclusions. No cloud-lifting "a-ha!" moments. Just a wrestling and a commitment to stay in the tension rather than run from it.

Crazy or not, here I come.

{photo credit}

hustling for worthiness

"As I conducted my research, I realized that only one thing separated the men and women who felt a deep sense of love and belonging from the people who seem to be struggling for it. That one thing is the belief in their worthiness. It’s as simple and complicated as this: If we want to fully experience love and belonging, we must believe that we are worthy of love and belonging.

When we can let go of what other people think and own our story, we gain access to our worthiness—the feeling that we are enough just as we are and that we are worthy of love and belonging. When we spend a lifetime trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don’t fit with who we think we’re supposed to be, we stand outside of our story and hustle for our worthiness by constantly performing, perfecting, pleasing, and proving."

-Brené Brown