four-minute friday: risk

Go. The first two months of 2010---can you believe it's the end of February already?!---have held lots of risks for me. Y'all remember that's my one word focus for the year, right? (What? I'm living in Georgia. I can say y'all.)

My year of risk is well underway.

I went on vacation with a bunch of near-strangers.

I rappelled 100 feet into a Mexican canyon.

I've intentionally endured quite a few awkward situations.

But those have paled in comparison to the risks I've taken with my heart.

I've prayed risky prayers. I've been more authentic in the moment. I've wrestled with truly forgiving my wayward husband.

And as I look toward the horizon, there is a lot that makes me very nervous.

Like the six week ministry fundraising trip I'm embarking on this spring. By myself. It feels incredibly daunting after always having a wingman (who was also the extrovert and public speaker of the two of us).

I signed up for a half-marathon. Which I fear will be a health risk more than anything else. But I am determined to cross the finish line no matter what.

And I'm going to continue risking big with my heart. Although it hasn't started getting any easier yet.

Your turn to check in.

How have you done with your one word?

I'd love to see us rally around each other to cheer one another on!

Done.

even greater things

I've seen God do some incredible things through me in my lifetime. He used a poem I wrote as a nine-year-old girl to bring my separated parents back together.

On my mission trips as a teenager, He spoke through my faltering words to lead people to salvation.

I've stepped out in faith for eleventh-hour financial provision, and had money miraculously show up at the last minute.

In my early years of living in Africa, I rubbed cataracts out of a woman's eyes.

I saw a man's leg grow out six inches as I prayed over him.

I pulled a lame man to his feet and watched him take his first steps.

I get goosebumps just thinking about the amazing things God has done. And I feel humbled that He's chosen to use me.

But it all feels like ancient history.

It's been a very long time since God's done something supernatural through me.

But I know it's not because He's changed.

I think somewhere along the line, I stopped believing Him for the miraculous.

My faith grew dim.

I got "busy".

And I stopped actively trusting.

But I want my faith back. I want to trust Him for the miraculous again.

I want to trust Him for even greater things.

That feels like a huge risk right now. My battle-weary heart is scared to hope, to believe.

But every mighty move of God in my life has required an act of faith.

And, Lord knows, I need Him to move mightily.

Not just through me, but in me.

So I'm asking Him to strengthen my faith and fill me with the assurance that He is trustworthy.

Whether He ever does another miracle through my hands or not, I want to live with heart-risking trust that He can.

coffee talk: authenticity & faith

As I wrestle with the risk of being more authentic, I'm struggling to find the line between authenticity and faith. I grew up in churches filled with happy, plastic Christians.

They answer "How are you?" with "I'm blessed!"

They don't admit to being sick even when they are, saying instead that they are "healed in Jesus' Name!"

And though I can't judge their hearts, it always seems more fake than faith.

It seems like denial.

And hypocrisy.

The implication is that if things aren't going well with you, it's because your faith just isn't strong enough.

And that's crap.

But things can get out of balance the other way as well.

Under the banner of authenticity, a lot of people are just plain negative.

They complain. A lot.

They're always responding to "How are you?" with far too much information. They let it all hang out, even at times when they "shouldn't".

And they just chalk it up to being real.

So how do we balance faith and authenticity?

When is it time to be honest about where you're at and when is it time to speak words of faith?

Talk amongst yourselves.

authenticity isn't found in the rearview mirror

I’ve often prided myself in my ability to share openly about things I've gone through, things I've struggled with. But then I realized it was only because they were past tense. I am being open and honest, but about my then, not my now.

It's easier to share my weaknesses after I've strengthened them. It's safer to talk about my failures once I've bounced back from them.

But it's not really authenticity if it's after the fact.

Genuine authenticity is transparent and unguarded and vulnerable.

And while there is some level of that in sharing about past struggles, nothing is quite as authentic as sharing about current struggles.

No matter what else I do in this year of risking more, nothing will be as hard as the risks I take with my heart.

But they are risks I want to take.

I desire the intimacy and closeness that comes with true authenticity. I crave the matchless relational connection that's borne out of putting my heart on the line.

Even though it leaves me feeling exposed and vulnerable.

I'm learning that with those I trust, I can be naked and unashamed.

So I'm stripping down and working on being more authentic in the moment.

And hoping the "unashamed" part will follow.

how do you say "risk" in spanish?

I knew choosing risk as my one-word for the year would be risky. And I seem to have jumped right in with both feet. I'm sure a free vacation doesn't sound like a risk to most of you, but it certainly was one for me. It even took me a few days to respond and say "Yes" when I was offered this wonderful gift. Partially because it's just hard for me to receive personal generosity, and partially because of the risks involved.

Not the least of which was spending ten days with people I'd met only three weeks before---and three others I didn't meet till I landed in LA!

But I felt instantly comfortable to just be myself. And I hit it right off with the Pennsylvania gang. We had so much fun together. I'm incredibly grateful for these new friendships.

Some other ways, big and small, that I risked during the trip:

• I left my laptop behind. It was the longest I've gone computer-less in almost a decade!

• I did an outdoor adventure tour in Cabo. I zip-lined 1800 feet, rock-climbed, rappelled, and cable-walked over a gorgeous canyon. Invigoratingly frightening!

• I braved the pool on the roughest day at sea. The swells in the pool were ridiculously huge, which was enough to get this non-water girl hyperventilating. But I did it.

• I went dancing. And I can't dance. But I had a blast, and I might go so far as to say it was therapeutic.

Most of my time (when I wasn't sleeping past noon... a -hem...) was spent just chilling and being ridiculous with my friends. [I discovered that I make a weird face in 95% of pictures...]

And while we went to Karaoke pretty much every night, this is as close as I got to singing...