deepest of heartaches

Tears are streaming down my face... My heart is in my throat...

And I feel like throwing up.

Again.

All I can say is... Thank you for your prayers. And for simply letting me know you're there...

: : :

Read the complete partner letter here →

A Note from Our Founder

As you’ve been aware while walking this road with us, the past two years have been extremely difficult for Thrive. We have encountered significant challenges that far exceed any other obstacle we’ve overcome in the past 13 years of ministry.

In spite of every effort to raise funds, our financial support has continued to dwindle. For the first time since our inception, we’ve found ourselves unable to sustain our basic operating expenses, for multiple months in a row.

Last month the Board of Directors came to the point of needing to make the most difficult decision we’ve ever made. We will officially be closing our operations in South Africa at the conclusion of the ministry year.

I am thankful that the closing of Thrive doesn’t mean a ceasing of the vital work we have been doing. We are supporting the launch of a new ministry, Ignite South Africa, through several of our staff members who will carry on large aspects of our programming.

I ask that you prayerfully consider continuing your partnership with us through April 2011. Incoming finances will be used to provide our indigenous ministry staff with severance pay and clear Thrive’s operational debts. It is our desire to finish strong and honorably in every way, and we need your help to do that.

We have much to celebrate and rejoice about as we look back at over a decade of ministry together in Africa. God has done incredible things, and you have been a vital part of that. Thank you for allowing Him to use you to bring the light and hope of Jesus to so many.

I so appreciate your ongoing prayers for me, our entire staff team, and everyone whose lives are deeply impacted by this transition. Thank you for everything.

With love, thankfulness, sorrow, and hope, my heart still believes...

God is good.

Read the complete partner letter here →

missions is God's heartbeat

I've heard people talk about the Biblical basis of missions. But I think it's more accurately stated as the missional basis of the Bible. It's so easy to assume that missions is a New Testament idea. But it's not. It's been God's heart since the very beginning. His passion for the nations is evident throughout the entirety of the Bible.

I know many often struggle to reconcile the God of judgment and wrath in the Old Testament with the one of mercy and grace in the New. But if we look closely enough, we can see His heartbeat as a thread all throughout.

It's so evident in the Bible stories we learned in Sunday School, but amid the flannelgraphs and illustrated kids' Bibles, we may have missed it.

Way back in Genesis, God promised Abraham overwhelming blessings. Not so Abraham could live an abundant, selfish life. But so that "all people on earth will be blessed" through him. All people.

The story of Noah and the ark shows us more than God's wrath on the sinful world and the rescue of every kind of animal. It reveals God's mercy, compassion, and love for the nations of the earth. The promise set forth in the rainbow was God's covenant with all of mankind---not just Noah's family. Not just the people of Israel. Not just the Body of Christ. God's covenant of grace was "a covenant for all generations to come." All generations.

What was the whole point of David and Goliath? Little beats big? God on your side is the majority? We can do all things through God's strength? All of those things and more. Ultimately, it reveals God's heart. David conquered Goliath so "the whole world will know that there is a God." The whole world.

Then there was Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, the three young Israelites in the fiery furnace. In the end, King Nebuchadnezzar decreed that the people of "every nation" will know that "no other god can save." Every nation.

Not only did the Lord spare Daniel's life in the lion's den, but "all the peoples, nations, and men of every language" heard about it. The king issued a decree that basically said, "There is no God like Daniel's!" Every language.

Even in the Psalms we can read of God's heart for the lost. "May God be gracious to us and bless us and make His face shine upon us that Your ways may be known on earth, Your salvation among all nations." David's prayer was "Bless us, Lord, so that all nations may come to know You!" There are so many other passages like that strewn throughout the Psalms. All nations.

As you read the Bible this week, look at everything through the missions lens. You'll see things you never noticed before. And you'll discover the heart of God in a whole new way.

God's ultimate plan is for all nations to know Him.  As Christians, as God-followers, we are called to be a part of His plan.

All of us.

Originally a guest post at my friend Becky's

it's unavoidable

I've always loved the story of the woman with the issue of blood. It vividly reminds me that God is passionate about healing my heart and not just my body. Reading through that passage in Mark again recently, I noticed something new. Or rather, I saw something familiar in a completely different way.

The woman pressed through the crowd on her hands and knees to get to Jesus. She reached out and grabbed the hem of His garment, and in that moment she was instantly healed.

And in that moment, Jesus felt power go out of Him.

That's what made Him stop and look for the one who touched Him. That's what prompted the dialogue that brought healing to her heart. That's when He looked her in the eyes and called her "Daughter".

I'd never thought too much about that moment for Jesus, until now.

There He was... Walking with a synagogue ruler as a large crowd pressed all around Him... It was noisy and busy and... Suddenly He felt something...

He felt power go out of Him as soon as she touched Him.

It's unavoidable: Ministry is draining.

If Jesus felt the effects of it, I sure as heck will.

Serving others, speaking God's truth, and sharing our lives, tires us out. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. We feel it when we spend ourselves for others.

Even when we are doing what we love.

Maybe even more so when we are doing what we love. Because then we have to force ourselves to take a break.

At least I do.

I've been going non-stop for months now---doing exactly what I love doing. And I've felt the "power" go out of me in every way possible. I'm exhausted inside and out. So I'm taking some much-needed time off.

My heart is so looking forward to this selah.

I need to start paying more attention to what (and who) drains me, as well as what (and who) refuels me. I need to be more intentional about creating margin in my schedule and my life.

I want to be more proactive about letting Him fill me up than I am about sharing Him with others.

Maybe that sounds backwards or selfish. I just know that when I'm not overflowing, I really don't have much to give anyway.

So I'm taking some time for me. (Which, I should point out, is never an easy thing for me to do.)

But I know it's needed. And I know it's right.

Selah, friends. Selah.

What does "selah" look like to your heart? What and who refuels you?

roots and wings

I love my wings.

I really enjoy traveling. It's a good thing, since I do so much of it. I love the newness, the adventure, the constant change. I enjoy experiencing the new and the different, discovering things I've always wanted to see and things I didn't even know existed.

There is nothing in the world like stepping into the unfamiliar, unknown, unpredictable, and unexpected. It makes my heart come alive.

Most of all, I love people. It is such a gift to be constantly meeting new people and spending cherished moments with friends. Experiencing other people's worlds means embracing new rhythms of life, and I learn so much from all that is different than me.

I value my heart's desire for change.

I also love my roots.

I crave security and stability. At times, the humdrum of routine is the sweetest sound I know. There is comfort in the known and the familiar, joy in the predictable. Going to bed after a day that looked exactly as expected makes for some sweet contentment.

I'm grateful for the sense of belonging that comes with home. It is a beautiful thing to have a space in life that's carved out with my exact shape---the warm hug of that perfect fit is absolutely matchless.

Being in one place long enough to be missed when I'm gone makes my heart exhale. I love being with those rare people who feel like home to me---who know what I'm thinking before I say it, who can read my slightest facial expression, who just plain "get" me, no explanation needed.

I value my heart's desire for same.

I live in the tension between my wings and roots.

At times it's exhausting... at others, exhilarating. When I've had one for too long, I start yearning for the other. All change with no same makes me just as restless as all same with no change.

And I'm feeling restless now.

The past 19 months have been nothing but change. My heart longs for steady. Predictable. Certainty. I want some surety under my feet. My wings are tired.

So I'm trying to create pockets of same in the midst of all the change. Little bits of routine. Tiny fragments of consistency. I need to find some more creative ways to do that...

Cause after all, a girl can have both wings and roots, right?!

Right.

Are you more of a wings or roots person? Any thoughts on how I can create some "same" in my very unpredictable life right now?

your Q's, my A's: favorites

I'm still working my way through the questions y'all asked back on the Your Q's, My A's post. There were a ton of favorite questions. I thought you knew I'm no good at favorites! Maybe that's why you asked them. Hmmm....

Well, I'm gonna try to answer these quickly. First answer that comes to mind kinda thing. So it's more like my favorite-of-the-moment. But that counts, right?!

Here goes:

Favorite food? Italian. Good Italian.

Favorite Starbucks drink? Right now... iced cinnamon dolce latte.

Favorite band? This. is. so. hard. for. me! I'mma go with Caedmon's Call even though it's been ages since I've listened to them...

Favorite book you've ever read? I wish I could look at my bookshelf to answer this! I've got such bad recall! // Fiction: My Sister's Keeper, by Jodi Picoult  // Non-Fiction: Next Generation Leader, by Andy Stanley

Favorite book you've read in the past year? Fiction: The Help, by Kathryn Stockett // Non-Fiction: Plan B, by Pete Wilson

Favorite movie? This seriously feels impossible! Let's say... French Kiss.

Feel free to answer any or all. And while the Wizard is being cooperative, feel free to ask some other "favorite" questions.