prone to wander

I love the raw honesty in the comments on these prayer posts. I am so thankful for the transparency and community here at The Grit. Thank you for sharing your hearts in this space. I want to pass along some things that help my prone-to-wander heart stay connected with God in prayer. Not as a formula or because I think these are the best or only ways to do it. But because maybe they will spur on ideas that work for you personally.

: : :

I create prayer prompts for myself. I'm visual, so it helps me when I connect things I want to pray for with specific objects or even places. Then those serve as triggers, prompting me to pray whenever I see them. For instance...

• My pillow is a reminder, when I lay my head on it at night, to pray for my mind, thoughts, dreams, and sleep.
• Putting my hands on the steering wheel when I get in the car reminds me to acknowledge that God is in control and not me.
• Y'all know I like me some Starbucks --- It's comfort in a cup for me. So I've made Starbucks to-go cups a prompt to thank Him for the peace, security, and belonging I have in Him.

Short arrow-like prayers invite the Lord right into the moment with me. I love Nehemiah's example of this: "The king said to me, 'What is it you want?' Then I prayed to the God of heaven, and I answered the king..." Mid-conversation, before he even responded to the question, Nehemiah shot up a prayer. I try to be intentional to do the same, shooting up quick prayers for help and wisdom, to thank Him, or just to point out something that I love...

I keep pen and paper nearby. Scribbling down the random things and to-do lists I think of makes it easier to keep my mind fixed on talking to God.

Some of my best prayers are prayed in bed at night. I usually struggle to fall asleep, because my brain lacks an OFF switch. Quieting my heart to pray is a good way for me to turn late-night concerns right into conversations with God... even if I do fall asleep mid-prayer.

I use post-it notes. Lots of them. I write down things I want to pray for, and stick them where they'll be visible. I have Fuzzy Brain Syndrome, and will simply forget without reminders like this.

I don't often tell someone I'll pray for them. Because I know full-well how quickly my good intentions get away from me. When I do say I'll pray, I stop right then and do it.

Often when I'm driving alone, I pray out loud in the car. I tend to spiderweb less when I'm praying out loud.

When I really need to hash through something with God, I journal my prayer. Writing out my conversation with Him helps keep me focused, and seems to make it easier for me to listen for His response.

I am so thankful that the Holy Spirit intercedes for me. When I don't know what or how to pray (which is pretty often), I often just whisper: I have no words right now. Holy Spirit, I need You to pray for me because I simply can't...

: : :

"Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love; Here’s my heart, O take and seal it, Seal it for Thy courts above."

-from the hymn Come Thou Fount

What are some things that help you pray?

coming out from under the guilt

For me, prayer has always been wrapped up in condemnation. Not that it was a conscious thought, but it was always there... underlying my foundational beliefs about prayer. And about myself.

While I've never been one to pray for very long, my mom, on the other hand, was known for her hours-long prayer times. And in a way, it became a measure of spirituality in the brand of Christianity I was raised in.

A measure I fell very short of.

I've been made to feel like a "bad Christian" because of my prayer habits (or non-habits).

I've been told that I'm not spiritual enough because I don't pray for long periods of time. (Along with my insufficient Scripture usage and lack of structured "quiet times"...)

Prayer became yet another area that I'm simply "not enough" in. The guilt always gave birth to shame in my failed attempts to try harder.

So it's something I've had to realign my thinking on. And I find myself still needing to. Often. Because I still feel the weight of those lies.

I want depth and realness in my prayer life to stem from desire, not judgment.

I'm tired of trying to pray more/better/longer/eloquentlier because I'm "supposed to". I'm done should-ing on myself, and I'm done with others should-ing on me too.

Because, let's be honest... Guilt, disapproval, and judgment have only caused me to pray less, not more.

Ironic how condemnation works. Even when it's self-inflicted.

I digress.

There is significant freedom in remembering that God created me as I am, on purpose.

He's not surprised by my "oooooh! shiny!" tendencies when I'm talking to Him. He's not baffled by my inability to sit still for extended periods of time. He's not confused when I pray in short one-liners spread throughout the day.

He knows what I'm like. He's the One who knit me together for God's sake! (No blasphemy intended. He really did create me for His sake.)

And He hardwired me exactly as I am. Intentionally.

I think He loves when I relate to Him out of the uniqueness of my own DNA rather than out of some mass-produced version of how Christians "should" pray.

So today I'm choosing to shake off the shackles of should and supposed to. And I'm giving myself the freedom to discover how God wants to relate to me.

And how He created me to relate to Him.

Which is as individual and unparalleled as my fingerprint.

What are some of the unique ways you can relate to God? Do you feel freedom to connect with Him like that?

thoughts from my dusty prayer closet

Praying has never been easy for me. Not something you'd ever expect to hear from a missionary, I know. But it's the truth. Praying is sometimes usually really hard.

So I don't pray nearly as much as I "should". Not as much as I want to, even. Or maybe not as much as I want to want to would be more accurate.

I get distracted really easily.

Midway through mentally writing my Target list, I'll remember that I'd actually been praying.

Oh. Yeah.

So I shift back to prayer and, sure enough, my mind begins wandering again. Even if it starts with thoughts of the person or situation I'm praying for, my brain very quickly spiderwebs into countless random things. Until I remember---again!---that I was in the middle of praying.

Oh. Yeah.

Take 29.

I also can't spend hours in prayer. I just can't.

Many people can. And do. And actually love it. But not me. I'm simply not wired that way.

I'm more inclined to talk to God in bite-size conversations throughout the day than in one long official "prayer time". Maybe it's because I'm more do-er than be-er, more Martha than Mary. Maybe it's because I can't sit in one place very long. Or because I don't feel like I have that much to say. Or because I struggle with structure. Or because of that whole "easily distracted" thing.

Maybe it's a combination of all the above. And then some.

Whatever the reason(s), I don't often pray for any great length of time.

But none of these "challenges" give me license not to pray.

They don't let me off the hook from growing in this area.

I still need to spend more time praying than I currently do. I need to be intentional to stay focused in prayer. I need to ask, seek, and knock. I need to give thanks and make my requests known.

I still need to pour my heart out like water before the Lord. I just no longer need that to look like some Wonderbread version of a quality prayer life.

I simply need it to look like me connecting with Him.

I'm gonna unpack more thoughts on prayer tomorrow. In the meantime, I'd love to hear what prayer (honestly) looks like for you.

your Q's, my A's: places

Madagascar. Sicily.

Kauai.

NYC.

Those are some of my favorites from all the places I've been. Italy.

Serengeti.

New Zealand.

Anywhere with white sand, blue water, and drinks with umbrellas.

Those are some of the places I'd still like to go. Your turn.

how do we tell?

I'm no stranger to challenges, both in ministry and in life. I've roughed the stormy seas of tight finances. I've braved long seasons of everything possible going wrong in every way possible.

I've endured numerous devastating fires on our mission base. I've watched a tornado lift the roof right off of my house. While I was in it. Twice.

I've faced countless health issues, lost loved ones, sat broken-down on the side of the road more times than I can count.

I'm not oblivious to the schemes of the devil.

I know the enemy attacks hard on the front lines.

I also know God uses the situations we face to guide and shape us.

He disciplines us, redirects our paths, and goes to great lengths to get ourattention at times.

And so today I find myself wrestling.

I'm coming up with more questions than answers, though.

A barrage of negative/painful/stretching circumstances could be an attack we should stand against in faith. Or it could be God's way of "closing a door", turning us around, or shifting the direction of our path.

How do we tell the difference?