ten years

Today I celebrate ten years of living in Africa. And I'm not even in Africa. Hmph.

I don't have anything profound to say (like I did last year). If you want to read something deep and meaningful, you'll have to go back and read last year's post. It all still applies.

Today all I'm thinking is that I can't imagine any other life for myself---I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. And yet, in that, I sometimes secretly (though not so secretly anymore...) wish I could take a reprieve from it all. A break. A pause. A selah not just for my soul but for my life.

And then I feel guilty for even thinking such a thing, never mind saying it out loud.

This missionary has a long way to go...

happiness is...

four-minute friday: home

Go. My friend half-jokingly refers to America as "God's country", and her words were on my mind as we touched down in JFK at 6:30 this morning. It feels good to be home.

This is where it gets hard to explain, but I'll try...in my remaining 3.5 minutes.

Africa is home. I've lived there long enough, put roots down deep enough, feel totally comfortable there that I have no qualms about calling it home. I often do. Especially when I'm in America. The phrase "Back home..." seasons my conversations.

But America will also always be home for me. No amount of years living overseas will ever take that away. There's something about being here---something about that instant when the airplane wheels hit the tarmac---that makes me feel like I'm being hugged.

There's much I disagree with and dislike about my home country and culture, as there also is about my new country and culture. But I proudly call both home.

Done.

lessons (5 of 5)

The last of the series... Maintain a teachable spirit. A humble leader is a learner. When asked what skill would be best in a staff member, I've always said "teachability". When someone has a teachable spirit, their fault and flaws don't seem as hard to deal with. Although I've lived here for ten years, I still have much to learn. As often as we can, Niel and I spend time with other ministry leaders. We ask questions, we listen well, we ask for advice. We are learners first, leaders second. In the seasons where my learning has slowed up or even stopped due to busyness or arrogance, my leadership always takes a nosedive.

Burnout is real. A burned-out leader no longer leads; she just maintains. I know this all too well. My wick has been burning on both ends for far too long. I have a lot of theories and even practices I've done over the years to prevent burnout, but nothing with enough consistency and commitment to really make an impact. I'm in a place of being tired and drained, and I know---I know---I'm no longer leading the way I should be, the way God wants me to be. I'd appreciate your prayers for inner strength and true rest.

How teachable are you? (How do you handle correction?) What insights or thoughts do you have for battling burnout in full-time ministry?

lessons (4 of 5)

It's been a while... If you missed lessons one, two, and three, be sure to head back and read 'em. Develop your team. You won’t develop outwardly if you’re not developing inwardly. We've made development a high priority; it's one of our ministry's core values. We constantly look for strategic opportunities to develop our staff and interns. For my own development, I read a lot---books and blogs of ministry leaders. I also listen to and/or watch teachings by leaders I learn a lot from, like Andy Stanley, Craig Groeschel, and Steven Furtick.

Let your team know they have freedom to fail. Make new mistakes rather than repeating old ones. I am a perfectionist. And very detail-oriented. So this lesson is one I'm constantly needing to remind myself of: Mistakes are okay. I'm more intolerant of my own failures than those of others, yet I know I always need to better guard my response to others' mess-ups. I'm learning the benefit of making new mistakes, because of all the lessons and opportunities they hold for me. As long as I'm learning from them, I need to be ok with my shortcomings.

Don’t hold things with a closed fist. We’re called to be stewards, not owners. Niel and I are both strong givers, so this one is maybe easier for us than for many. At least 10% of all our general ministry income goes out to support other ministries and missionaries. And because of how far we've come, and all the "lack" we've endured over the years, we naturally take good care of what we have. At times it causes frustration in us when we see others on our team treating things with recklessness or disrespect. While we continually challenge them to be good stewards, we can't expect them to remember what it was like when we didn't have much.

What do you do to develop yourself? How do you handle mistakes you make? What's the hardest thing for you to hang onto with an open hand as opposed to a closed fist?