you are not crazy

"You are not crazy." Seems an odd statement to made when asked to speak to our team of staff and interns. But Isaac made it. He said it several times in fact.

He reminded us that we've chosen to fight a battle we don't need to fight. We are fighting on behalf of a people not our own, a country not ours, and a cause we could easily ignore. And while others may think we're crazy for doing that -- may even tell us we're crazy for doing that -- we're not. The size of the task and the significance of the challenges we face don't make us crazy for choosing this fight. They just mean we're courageously obedient.

But I don't feel courageous.

"You could do anything you want with your life" equals "You are crazy for doing what you're doing."

The constant financial struggle, the ocean-sized distance from loved ones, the mountains that loom before us, all shout, "You are absolutely nuts to be doing this."

But above the din, above the constant noise, is the faintest whisper: You are not crazy. You are obedient.

I am not crazy.

You aren't crazy either.

The work you've chosen to do, the time you've dedicated to your children, the money you've given away, the stuff you've purposefully gone without, the things you've done for God and others... You are not crazy.

You are obedient.

hello my name is

Today I'm secretly wearing a name tag that says:

I'm wearing it because that's what God calls me. I am pursued, looked for, sought after by God Himself. I don't often feel that, see that, sense that. I need to be reminded often of this nickname that He has for me. If the realization that I am sought after by Him really sinks in, I will certainly see myself in a whole new light. I will see a lot of things in a whole new light.

Hopefully the name tag will help me remember.

all of me for all of You

All of me for all of You. Surrender. Hands in the air. Defenses down. Heart open. All of me for all of You.

Here is all I am: My messes, weaknesses, failures. My successes, strengths, victories. Here is all I am: My muddled thoughts, my doubts and fears, my misgivings. My hurts and questions, my joys and confidences. Here is all I am: The parts of me I love, the parts of me I despise. Everything I know, everything I don't. Here is all I am: My pieces, my fragments, my whole parts. Here is all I am: My insecurities, my all-too-securities. Here is all I am: The things I often give and take right back, the things I've never given before, the things I'm not even aware of. Here is all I am: Everything I know I need You for, everything I think I don't. Here is all I am.

Take all of me with Your gentle hands.

Even when I feel I can only open the door an inch, this is me giving You permission to bust it wide open. Even when I feel I'm unable to offer You more of me, this is me asking You to go ahead and take it anyway. Even when I feel I have no words, this is me asking You to respond to my one-word prayers for "Help" with all You know I need.

Be aggressive with me. For I'm not aggressive enough on my own behalf.

Take all of me and bombard me with all of You. All of You is certainly more than I can handle, but I want to feel crushed under the weight of that burden.

That burden isn't a burden at all.

things that satisfy

We were singing a song in worship tonight that had the line:

Only things that satisfy come from You.

Or maybe it was:

The only things that satisfy come from You.

I don't really know. I realized that I'd always heard it sung (or maybe I just sung it wrongly) as the former, but the worship leader tonight sang it as the latter. I pondered the difference between the two statements while singing continued all around me...

Only things that satisfy come from You implies that only good things come from God. Only good things. Meaning no bad things. From the hand of my heavenly Father comes neither sickness, curses, calamity. By His own hand He uses those things to bring glory to Himself and to miraculously bring benefit to my life, but His hand doesn't deliver the blow. Only good things come from Him. Only things that satisfy. There's a difference between something that's good and something that's satisfying. God only gives me things that will bring true satisfaction: that which makes me feel fulfilled, content. What a promise.

The only things that satisfy come from You implies that these satisfying things come from no one and nowhere but God. Anything good in my life, anything that is fulfilling or satisfying in any capacity, has come directly from God. From Him to me. It's easy at times to forget this. To think my own efforts, or the love and generosity of others, or even a good meal is the source of my satisfaction. I'm not looking deep enough when I stop there. God is the source of all satisfaction.

So, all that to say -- I'm not sure what the real words to the song are. But either way, I like it...

And who knew a "the" could make such a big difference.

thoughts

We hosted a pastors' conference this week. Some friends came in to speak at it, and I really enjoyed hearing what they had to say. Here are some of my random note-jottings from the past two days:

• God never insults the dignity of a person by calling them to something easy.

• A good friend isn’t someone who makes you feel better. A good friend is someone who makes you do better.

• Worship is about pursuing God. It’s not about pursuing the feeling you get from pursuing God.

• People’s eternities are changed in an instant; people’s lives are changed over a lifetime.