grapevine

I shouldn't be as concerned as I am when I hear the negative things people sometimes say about us. It isn't anything new. We've experienced it since we started. But at times it still catches me, and stings more than I should allow it to.

A few days ago I heard about someone's lies about us. While it's not surprising to discover that this person is still telling her fabricated and negative stories (though still sad), it was shocking to discover how far they had reached. We heard about it from someone who lives, literally, halfway across the country from her. I was floored. And saddened.

Then the Lord reminded me of His promise: "Every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn." How do I condemn them? By continuing to be faithful, to bear fruit, to do what God's called me to do.

People will keep talking. And I need to just keep on keeping on.

priorities

Too often, what's urgent takes precedence over what's important. For much of my week, importance was kidnapped by urgency. Not to say that what was urgent wasn't essential, but other important things -- though not as pressing -- got back-burnered more than I would have liked. Since "urgency" by definition means it's not something I can plan for, schedule in, or ignore, I'm not quite sure how to improve in this area. Yet I know I need to.

As I was thinking about that, I realized that I allow that to happen too often in my personal life as well. My priorities are out of whack when what's important to me (my family, my friends, my God) gets shoved aside to deal with what's urgent (ministry needs and other random things that eat my time and energy).

Jesus told us it all comes down to loving Him and loving others. What could be more important and urgent than that?

do it afraid

Courage is a huge part of being a leader, and it's an area I find myself needing to grow in constantly. Leading with courage is about "doing it afraid". Stepping out, saying it, doing it -- even when I'm uncertain, unsure, afraid. If I wait until it all makes sense, or until I know with certainty what the outcome will be, or until I've got it all worked out in my head, I will do nothing. I will not lead, but follow. Or at best, meander ahead. Basically, I'll remain non-courageous. To put it bluntly: I'll remain cowardly. Paralyzed by my fear and insecurity.

Courageous leadership follows Jesus when He calls, even when I have no idea where He's leading. Courageous leadership steps out of the boat when I don't know what will happen. Courageous leadership says the hard things that need to be said, regardless of the fact that I don't know what people's reactions will be. Courageous leadership does the right thing all the time, even when it's contrary to popular opinion. Courageous leadership is active -- actively speaking, doing, directing, leading.

I need to develop more courage in my life. Not self-righteous courage. Not courage that's really just cocky arrogance. But humble courage. Courage that says, "Even though I'm uncertain, my Guide is reliable and we will walk on..."

anti-phone

I'm a bit anti-phone.

Maybe it's because I'm an introvert. Or because I feel more comfortable writing than talking. Whatever the reason, I typically don't enjoy talking on the phone.

I just hung up from a 37-minute phone conversation with a struggling missionary in Cape Town. I'm glad that she felt she could call and vent (I mostly listened), and I hope in some way I was a strength to her. But I got off the phone feeling completely drained.

How can something as silly as talking on the phone be so challenging (and even stressful) for me?!

god's way vs. my way

We tackled the weighty subject of disobedience in our staff development time on Monday. Niel feels strongly that we are on the brink of the miraculous and on the edge of a supernatural breakthrough of provision. In a desire to "get the house in order", and make sure we are in no way stopping the flow of God's blessings, he challenged all of us to examine our hearts.

We each made a list of five areas of our lives in which we are doing things our way instead of God's way (which is what disobedience is). Niel then challenged everyone to fast one day this week. In 9+ years of ministry, Niel's never before called a corporate fast. I knew he was serious and that God was clearly leading us to do this.

Everyone agreed, and today is our ministry-wide fast. We were all asked to spend time in prayer today about the five things on our list: to really think (with Holy Spirit guidance) about how we are doing those things our own way, to seek out and better understand what God's way is, and to commit to initiating a change in each of those areas.

My time spent doing just that this afternoon was wonderful. (I hope it was for everyone on our team.) I also spent some time mulling over a passage I love in Isaiah about what God really wants from me as I fast.

I am challenged. But I am also filled with hope. Hope for a changed life. Hope to become more like Christ (even in a small way) each and every day. Hope for forward motion in my journey.

I can't wait to see what God's going to do...